After two weeks of trying, I finally was able to travel in the astral world again. The moment I realized I was free to roam, I flew around the room in circles like an idiot
One of the things I notice roaming Tumblr and reading people’s questions and concerns is that they often feel like if they don’t have a god-phone, aren’t doing well with divination, or otherwise have no direct contact with deities then they are being ignored by the gods.
That’s not necessarily true …
Some skills have to be developed. They need to be practiced and one’s vibrations have to be raised in order to achieve certain gifts. Sometimes the gods like to dangle a carrot in front of you to try to get you to get your practice on.
This is a pagan post.
I can relate to this a lot right now.
I’m recovering from Anorexia Nervosa and it’s been around for about five hellish years of my life at this point. Does that I mean I regret enabling it or have had enough? Heh heh not at all. It is my rock, my security blanket. I could hide within it’s lies for all of eternity while my soul drains of any color and I turn into a Gollum-like creature. A gray pale face, thinning to little hair, scrawny with fucked up teeth? I’m on it! But I can’t any more. I have to recover because there are things to do. I have to grow otherwise why stick around? I have to admit, it’s been a pretty painful process which includes me kicking and screaming and being dragged across the floor. It started a couple of years ago with a spell and I was surprised to see that work. Wooh my Anorexia was becoming a thing of the past! Life became affirmations, Luna bars, veggie burgers and green tea ice cream. But I forgot to do my part of it, you know the work you have to do along with the spell to help support what you wish for part. Yeah well I then found myself in a cycle of binging and purging. I began to purge everyday hand free and one day I just shoved whatever I could in. Chocolate chip cookies, cereal, watermelon. It was probably the most disgusting tasting purge I’ve ever had. I cried like hell and prayed to god (which one I do not know but man, were they listening) to make me stop. I begged in the form of a chant and a week or two later, I got my answer.
Here comes the cliche, be careful what you wish for and blah blah… That made my Bulimia stop but brought on a new set of problems that I’m still working through to this day. It isn’t the god’s fault though, they made something happen. They put an end to that. It was mine and other’s fault that it all went to shit. Fast forward to today, I have asked for change, not necessarily in terms of my ED but in my life in general. I have asked for a push out of my ‘comfort’ zone towards the things I really need to work on and to be a better person. I can’t ever learn to run or ride a bike or do ballet if I don’t ever learn how to walk first. I’m gonna fall on my ass here and there but it needs to be done. And I need someone to pick me up again to help give me another try each time. I know He listens to me with a patience I’ll never understand. When ever I begin to think you know maybe I can have a cheat day and not eat or write down horrendous weight loss plans in my phone, it will last either a few seconds or a day. I hear an authoritative ‘no you can’t do this’ or feel compelled to delete the plans and anything else I might have written about relapsing. I am stopped by a big, mental “NO.” I don’t want to recover so I know this isn’t me. I never felt that it was. But I listen (though I do whine about it) and I try because why not? My god is reaching out to help. Someone cares! I need to stop being a big sad sack of potatoes and do something. I need to pick up the pieces of myself. I keep hearing the word trust and I need to have more faith in the work that is being done. This is probably the scariest thing that I will ever have to do. But I will be a better person because of it and finally do all of those Amazing things. I’m not recovered and I’m doing them already. I am better off than I was yesterday or the day before… That is all that matters, in the end.
Hmm being a nurse sounds really interesting. Medicine is fascinating and think of all the people you could help. Maybe an art director or artist of some sort. I could study the history of art and I do already go to an art school after all. But then there is writing and I’ve always loved to write. I could move into a tiny home in Sweden and spend my time writing books when I’m a bit older. Readings though… I need to stop predicting what my mom will make for dinner and use this gift to heal others. I could go on to be a professional medium if I really want to, it’s all there. It’s more likely to happen.
Wait, studying art? Medicine? What the… Apollo is that you?
subtlebody asked: I'm curious :) Fire opal, petrified wood?
Well aren’t you a sweetheart? Thank you for your curiosity :)
Fire Opal: What is your vision for the future?
Well it all depends on whose future. The future of the world or mine? Mine is probably easier to unravel. I will give up the silly idea in my head that I must go to college and work towards stability. I will be a professional medium, be more involved with spiritualism, visit homes of families dealing with not so nice spirits, and teach classes. It’s funny because when I was younger, I predicted that I would have a trans partner and a child young which have both happened already so I’m not sure what big event is next! (I always ruin surprises so shh let’s not think about it lol)
Petrified Wood: Do you remember any your past lives?
I believe I drowned in water, the ocean in particular in a past life. I can’t explain why. I can feel it though some times when I am near a big body of water. I also get the feeling that I was a very modest and unhappy Italian woman. I think we only truly remember on our own when there is some kind of trauma or personal issue following us into this life that we need to fix.